I’m writing this column having just breastfed my 10-week-old son before he fell asleep. This is something I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do. He was born with an anterior tongue tie, a condition where the strip of skin which attaches the tongue to the mouth is tighter than it should be, meaning the movement needed to suck can be badly restricted.
Until we were able to have it divided, my son could not breastfeed effectively and initially lost so much weight we were readmitted to the hospital when he was five days old. I sobbed as the doctor put us on an exhausting, urgent, two-hourly feeding programme which meant I was attempting to breastfeed, then supplementing this with baby formula, and also pumping to try and get my milk supply up (as my son couldn’t do this efficiently himself).
I was left feeling severe shame at my failure to breastfeed, not to mention heartbreak: I was full of hormones and feeling that I had let my baby down. I was also grateful. The formula we fed him meant that my son began gaining weight more steadily, and we were discharged two days later. Formula then allowed us the time to get to grips with breastfeeding, something which has taken many difficult weeks and a second tongue-tie division).
The last couple of weeks have thrown up many very strong opinions about formula feeding, often from those who have never even had to make a choice about feeding their baby. A terrifying formula shortage in the US, following the temporary closure of manufacturer Abbot’s Michigan factory amid an investigation over safety concerns, has left families desperate. Here, price rises of baby products amid a cost of living crisis has caused some shops and supermarkets to attach anti-theft security tags to formula on the shelves – a devastating reality of life under this Tory Government.
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Both stories have been a sad and stark reminder of how ignorant attitudes towards formula feeding can really be. Actress Bette Midler was just one example, tweeting last week in response to the formula shortage: “TRY BREASTFEEEDING! [sic] It’s free and available on demand”.
During nights awake with my son I have angrily scrolled through comment after comment on news stories about formula panics, suggesting that women should just “get lactating” if they want to feed their babies, as if no one had ever thought of that.
Nothing has ever been so painful to me than my failure to breastfeed my son in those first few weeks. There were times in the early hours after yet another failed attempt where I would cry as though I was grieving, which in a way I suppose I was: for the mistaken belief that being a breastfeeding mother would be a simple and joyful experience, that I would be able to do something as instinctive as feed my son.
As my aim was always to breastfeed, I am lucky enough that my son has finally learned how to do so, and that I have been able to build my supply up far more than I ever thought I would. We are still supplementing his feeds with formula, which is known as combi-feeding, and this works well for our family.
But getting here has been a huge struggle, and not every mother has the time, ability or the inclination to breastfeed in the face of physical and emotional setbacks. There are many reasons why. What about the mothers who can’t feed because of a mastectomy, or because of medication which makes it unsafe to do so? Or the adoptive parents who need to feed their babies?
It’s also equally important to acknowledge that formula feeding doesn’t always have to be out of necessity, either: some parents simply choose formula feeding, and that shouldn’t be a decision up for judgement either.
The US formula crisis has become yet another way that mothers are being shamed and criticised for extremely personal choices. As if the threat of being unable to get what you need to feed your child wasn’t bad enough.
Jessica Barrett is Assistant Editor at Grazia, and was formerly the People Editor at i
