There are certain inexcusable behaviours that have been tossed out with the rubbish years ago, but that women still deal with on a daily basis. Behaviours that they can’t complain about, despite the impact of the #MeToo movement, because the repercussions of doing so are too great.
Recently, I met up with an old friend who shared stories of men suddenly refusing to invest in the companies she works for because she turned down their offer of “coffee in their hotel room” after a business dinner, or because she had the temerity to brush off questions about her sex life during a business dinner. Men who previously agreed to invest then disappeared into the wind morning after, along with the funding offer.
The unfortunate reality is that if a man believes that sexual harassment is completely acceptable, power and money simply serve as a vehicle – or a weapon – to embolden them. Considering recent cases such as that of Harvey Weinstein, you might assume powerful men would fight the urge to coerce women into bed, and simply find a woman who voluntarily wants to sleep with them, lest they end up in court witnessing their entire life fall apart.
But no. They continue. The sad reality is that in their eyes, there is no risk, because systems worldwide still serve to protect powerful and rich perpetrators.
We discussed this recently on Loose Women regarding E Jean Carroll and her case against Donald Trump. A jury found that he sexually assaulted the magazine columnist several decades prior. They also found that Trump defamed Carroll by accusing her of making up the claims to promote her book, while also suggesting that she was too ugly to be sexually assaulted. Since the verdict, he has called her “a whack job”. A clear cut, well-trodden path to undermine a sexual assault case.
During the show, Janet Street-Porter spoke of being tricked into going to a colleague’s apartment on her own, where he attempted to force himself upon her. She explained that she was one of the “silent generation” of women who would never make a complaint because it would amount to career suicide.
Her words were ringing in my ears when my friend told me her story over dinner. Janet was speaking about the 1960s and 1970s, while my friend’s last experience of attempts to lure her into bed in return for money and investment was as recent as 2022. They may have happened in different decades, but the power play remains the same. Both of these men knew there would be no ramifications for their actions.
But perhaps, over the passage of time, there have been incremental, important changes.
The power no longer lies solely in the hands of the men who decide to use it to further their own destructive – and illegal – needs. Some of the power is now being taken by women who are fighting to bring this circle of awfulness to an end. They don’t want victims to be paid off; they simply don’t want there to be victims in the first place.
And that’s where a girl gang can be the most powerful force in the fight for equality. That’s what my friend has: the most amazing, supportive and powerful circle of female friends. She has surrounded herself with women who work at companies at a similar level to her, women who have each other’s back. The moment she opened up about last year’s incident, the girl gang assembled, just like they had numerous times before. Because each of them has a similar story involving powerful men.
They acted by adding his name to the list of individuals that none of them will ever work with again, that their companies will also never work with again. And they will ensure that no woman they know is put in a situation where they’re left alone with him. Ever.
Of course, this is not the same as making an official complaint or bringing legal action into the equation. But what it does do is begin to tip the balance of power. It’s easy to underestimate how effective that can be for a victim – to feel like they are taking some of that power back. Because when you replay that moment you turned down an obvious request for transactional sex from a man old enough to know better, knowing your girl gang will spring into action makes you realise that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and that in some small way he will get his comeuppance.
